What is courage? What does it mean to be courageous? What is bravery? What does it mean to be brave? Being courageous is knowing what you might do could result in serious consequences, yet you go ahead and do it anyway. Being brave is knowing something bad could happy, yet still doing it anyway. It is all about taking risks, and sometimes we should get up and take that risk, but well if we don’t…. it’s hard to say what would have happen if we did, however we will never know, and the worst thing to do is sit back and to wonder what could have happened if only we tried. Let’s be brave and just go for it, we only live once; unless we are a cat.
“Jump Jump! You can do it! Just Jump. It’s only water”. Why do brains have to speak? If only they would be quite for a second so I could figure out what I’m going to do now. Standing high above the water, above the people, I heard nothing. I knew they were cheering for me, but all I heard was the voice in me saying “go go” I don’t know why I’m up here, so it might be a good idea to backtrack. This is how it all began.
One sunny hot summer afternoon, I was walking anxiously around the house waiting to leave. I had just put on my new bathing suit, dark blue, one of my favorite colors. Since I belonged to a swimming club, I needed my badge. It’s a stupid pointless yellow thing, however I cant find it. Little did I know, misplacing my badge was the least of my worries.
After rummaging through the pile of clean clothes I found my badge. I must have knocked it off my dresser while I was dusting earlier today. Silly me. Now I needed a pair of shorts and a shirt, and then hopefully I’ll be set to go. I slide my fresh pedicure feet into my black flip-flops and went downstairs. I need to pack my beach bag. A towel, sunscreen, goldfish crackers, the latest seventeen magazine, and Poland Spring water bottle. Hey I have to keep up with today’s fashion, and the celebrity gossip in the world.
Since I was feeling anxious and eager to get to the pool, the ten-minute ride felt forever. After mom parked in the parking spot, I opened the door of the van and quickly began walking towards the pool. I wouldn’t even wait for my mother or brother, I just wanted to swim.
I can be impatient at times. This was one of those times. I like to just get up and go only if I know it will work out in the end. If I am unsure of something I will walk slower contemplating whether or not I should go. Being indecisive can really drive me crazy. I go back and forth between ideas, and only I can make the decision. Sometimes I’d want to ask someone else but all they will do is turn around and say hey it’s your thing your decision. Ugh! In this case I had a gut feeling that my decision will turn out positive.
Even though I was so eager to go, I couldn’t get into the pool. I’m not one to just jump right in. I have to go in slowly which ends up taking forever. By the time I get in, I am ready to get out and lay out in the beautiful bright sun to work on my nonexistent tan. After a few minutes, I figure ok I went in, cooled off; I’ll go back in the pool later. So I got out and ran over to get my lime green towel, praying that on the way I don’t fall flat on my face, I mean they don’t hire ugly lifeguards do they? I sat on the lounge chair, and I stretched out my wet legs. I really do need a tan; I mean it is July isn’t it? I reached over to the right side to obtain my beach bag for my new Seventeen magazine and my Poland Spring water. I put the bag back down, and I put on my black Dolce and Gabanna sunglasses as I begin to read my magazine. Two pages in, I take a sip of water, ahhhh, and put the cap back on. I love water because it is so refreshing, especially when it is ice cold. I turn to page four of the magazine and look at the celebrities featured.
Cameras flash as celebrities walk the red carpet looking all fabulous as they flash their smiles, show off their jewelry and wearing top of the line clothing as they strut their well-toned and slim bodies. Days later people like you and me pick up the magazines and look at those pictures, envy them and wish to have the perfect stomach, huge muscles, or big breasts. Some people then stare at themselves in front of the mirror. As they stare they begin to feel self-conscious and wonder what they can change about their body. If I did that I would look better.
Of course I’m laying out to tan, and the cover features an article on the dangers of tanning and the negative effects. What else is new I thought?
We read about dangers of things all the time, but do we always listen? Of course not because we can be stubborn and think well it will not happen to me so why do I have to listen? In two pictures are my brother, my sister, and I. The two pictures were taken the same day and time, however the lighting on my mom’s camera was different than my sisters. Of course I love the one where I’m almost brown. I like having some color on my body, it makes me feel good. I mean doesn’t everyone?
Of course I’m laying out to tan, and the cover features an article on the dangers of tanning and the negative effects. But i love the look.
Back in the pool I’m swimming around enjoying the water. As I’m swimming I shift my green eyes to the right to look at the people jumping off the diving boards. There are two diving boards; one is higher than the other. I always wanted to jump off them because they look like so much fun. I mean I would just jump into the water and be ok right? So I manage to get out of the five feet water and walk over to the twelve-foot area of the pool. This time I’m walking very slow on the gray cement because I’m still not to sure if I want to do it.
Going back to before, I practically ran into the club eager to get into the pool. Now I find myself walking slowly unsure of what I want to do. My mind is freaking out because so much is going through it right now.
To make matters worse, the lower diving board is packed. I stood in line for the higher one. Eventually it was my turn to go. I climbed up the silver metal stirs thinking to myself why am I doing this? I never tried them before why now? I reach the top and boy is this high. Ok this isn’t the time to have a panic attack and scream so what do I do? Stand up here and twiddle my thumbs? Count the people at the pool today? Oh look a bird, hey that cloud looks like a dinosaur. Ok don’t panic just walk and look straight out and jump, hold my nose and go under the water, pop up and get it over with.
Fear of heights is one of the most common fears people have today. Some people do not like multiple floor buildings where they are extremely high up. Some people do not like Ferris wheels or the sky tram that takes you over an entire amusement park. I remember doing both of those with no problem, well with a little fear, but I still did it an enjoyed it. So if im up here am I afraid of heights? But now I’m stuck at the top scared shitless. I made it up here, which is a good start, but now I have to walk to the end of the board and jump into the clear blue water. Ok, mind, you think this is so simple huh, well guess what it’s not. If it was so simple why aren’t my legs moving?
I’m shaking I am scared I don’t want to do this. The stairs look better than the water. According to the pool rules I have to jump. I can’t walk back down the stairs. Great, now what? Its bad enough the attention is on me. I mean come on isn’t there good food at the concession stand today? Chicken fingers? Fries? They are the popular favorites.
So I am still standing up there on the board and shaking. People down below are cheering and rooting for me. They are on my side. The lifeguards are wishing I would just jump. The people in line are becoming more anxious waiting for their turn. I stand there for a few more minutes pondering on what to do. I should just take the risk and jump. It is fun and people jump off the diving boards all the time. They jump and land in the water and continue to splash, swim, and fool around all in good fun. The quicker I jump, the quicker I can splash, swim, and have fun.
Giving up I ignore the rules and turn around and walk down the gray cement steps knowing I should have just jumped. If it was that bad no one would do it. As I reached the last step, I felt the stares. Those who were by the pool know who I am. I am the girl who did not jump of the high diving board. I am the chicken.
Thing back to this moment I learned that I gave up too quickly. I was already on the diving board and so I all I had to do was walk to the tip of the board and jump into the blue water. Instead of jumping I gave up, turned around, and walked back to the stairs and then down the stairs I went. Now as I type this essay, I regret not going because I should have. I mean I must have wanted to since I walked over to the ladder and up the steps to the board. I was already ready to jump, but I froze. It was not about making a decision; it was about going through with it, following through. Unfortunately I did not follow through and I chickened out. There was no point in talking about courage and bravery because I was neither of the two. Instead I should be talking about weak and fear because standing up there I was afraid, and I became weak letting the fear get the best of me.......Splash! In the water I wish I went.....
Nuisance Tripping
9 months ago
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